I’m in trouble, everyone.
You see, I keep hearing this phrase “the gay lifestyle” and, TBH, I don’t think I’m doing it right (and not just because I’m not gay, not being a guy, but a lesbian). Is it true that we’re supposed to have around 500 sexual partners over the course of our lifetimes? Fuck! I don’t have a partner, I’ve never had a partner. WTF am I supposed to do? I NEED A BIG LESBIAN ORGY, STAT!
Seriously, do these anti-LGBT pundits have any idea how STUPID they sound!? I don’t even know where to FIND 500 lesbians and/or bisexual women, much less 500 who find me attractive and awesome enough to sleep with me. Seriously, I am being shafted (and not in a good way.
Also, what is this “Gay Agenda”? Who arranged this meeting and why wasn’t I invited? Somebody fill me in on what was discussed. Do I need to change my wardrobe? I love black, it goes with everything. Is there a certain kind of pet I should own? Mind you, I’m allergic to pretty much every furry creature, so no Lhasa Apso for me.
Oh, and is there a “heterosexual lifestyle” I can look at for comparison? I keep looking at my parents and brothers, and I’m not seeing a difference between my lifestyle and theirs. In fact, almost everyone I know is comfortably middle class. Am I supposed to be like, middle class with more rainbows? How does that work? I’m not sure how many rainbow things I can have in this house without having them clash with the decor.
In short, I am very confused by this concept. I just thought I was a woman who liked other women, but now I don’t know what to think. Advice?