Hallowe’en Pet Peeves

I love Hallowe’en! Certain people can complain about Hallowe’en/Samhain not being a Heathen observance, and other people can complain about how a holiday that is supposed to be about honoring one’s ancestors is just too commercial (like, say, every other holiday ever) but that just means more candy for me. Also,  since I’m too old to go trick-or-treating, Hallowe’en means watching a ton or horror movies and playing scary games.

However, it’s not all candy and fun, here is a brief list of Hallowe’en related things that just annoy me:

People who give out healthy food or dental floss and toothbrushes. I know some people are very concerned about tooth decay, but talk about missing the point. This is the ONE day a year where kids are allowed, nay, encouraged, to eat all the sweet things that are bad for them. One year, my mom decided that, instead of candy, she would give out crayons. Kids like crayons, right?

Guess how well that turned out? I’ll say this much, we’re lucky if we get like, five kids on Hallowe’en, of course, that might have something to do with the fact that we are one of the two houses on our side of the street, but–oh, screw it, it’s the crayons’ fault! Blame it on the crayons!

Horror movies that just aren’t scary. Modern horror movies these days seem more concerned with killing people in the most interesting, gory ways than actually provoking fear, and not just in a jump scare kind of way.
Don’t get me wrong, jump scares and blood and gore can be fun (the Final Destination movies are one long competition to see who can have the goriest death scene in a way that almost manages to be hilarious if it wasn’t about, you know, people dying horribly). But, I suppose “scary” is definitely a matter of personal taste. I had a friend in high school who was content with the jump scares and T&A of modern horror, me and a friend scared the Hel out of him when we were watching Ghost Ship in theatres. It was mean hilarious!

If this sounds kind of pretentious of me, talking about “modern horror movies” like it’s dirt on the bottom of my shoe, I should note that I can’t stand black and white movies, so classics like Psycho or that really old Dracula movie are out for me. B&W just gives me such a headache.

People who give out candy with religious themes. Yes, it’s your right to give it out, it’s my right to be pissed off by it. Granted, it’s not really a problem here in Canada, but I’ve heard stories in the US of people handing out Chick Tracts and such. Seriously, this is not the time to be handing out your faith-based propaganda.

Hell Houses Hell houses are like haunted houses, only haunted houses recast as Christian propaganda machines. I suspect the only people who like Hell Houses are the people who put them on. Some of them are even more insidious about it, claiming that it’s a genuine haunted house before spewing their faith-based bile. This is not okay!

Candy corn I hate candy corn. I do not understand how anyone could like it.

Black licorice and black jellybeans Ewwwwwwww!

Okay, okay, back to more serious ones….

Pagans who treat the holiday like its srs business and don’t want others to have any fun. Look, I understand that this is a special time of year to honour one’s ancestors and recently deceased and whatnot, but there’s really no reason that you can’t have fun and save more serious religious observances for, say, late at night when the kids are sleeping off their sugar rush. Religious holidays and fun don’t have to be mutually exclusive, no, seriously, they don’t….

The “No sex on Samhain” thing. This isn’t a pet peeve, merely an observation, but this is the only time of year that the likes of Z. Budapest don’t recommend that you get down and dirty in the bedroom because (and this is a direct quote from The Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries) “the Sacred Crone is traditionally not much involved with sexual ecstasies on All Hallow’s Eve, but this is not a specific rule either. We should look to our current generation of Crones for guidance in this matter.” Does anyone else bristle at the ageism in that paragraph? Although, to be fair, sometimes the dead are known to be jealous types who really don’t want the living to be creating life in their presence, but then there are spirits like the Ghede, who basically take the whole sex-and-death thing and run with it (while cussing it out).

What are your Hallowe’en pet peeves?

Oh, and one I didn’t list is “sexy” costumes for women. Seriously, you have zombies for men, and then almost naked cheerleader zombies for women. WTF? It’s cold outside! It’s cold and it’s sexist! Want awesome costume ideas? I recommend a site like Take Back Hallowe’en. I like the Minoan Queen and Jezebel outfits (even though the Minoan Queen is one costume that really should leave one’s breasts exposed, but, ah, maybe the historically accurate costume is best saved for private time).

 

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3 thoughts on “Hallowe’en Pet Peeves

  1. I like Hell houses. They’re funny.

    But I’m really just commenting to thank you for the link to the Take Back Hallowe’en site. Now I totally want to make an Emma Goldman costume.

  2. I ran into “Sexy Honey Badger” costume recently. I have no joke. No joke at all.

    Candy corn is my major sweet vice, actually, but I despise horror movies. So, such is life.

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