Revirew: A Kiss From Krampus

[This post is definitely NSFW.]

So, I told you about this novella last week. Today, I bought and read it, and so, to start your Yule off right, here is my review of this erotic tail (*snerks*) featuring Krampus. As you can see, the cover is actually tasteful.

In a nutshell, it’s good, but it could have been awesome.

Our main character is a woman named Moritza. Moritza’s horrible grandmother has just died, leaving her the house and a strange charm that she is warned never to open. Of course, since she really hates her grandmother (and, what the hell, she’s dead anyways) she opens it, and out pops a very angry Krampus, imprisoned for decades after her grandmother chopped off his beard and bound it in the charm [is this a metaphor for male virility?] and he’s looking for revenge.

And then he discovers that the old lady is dead and the charm (which basically gives him power) is missing. Moritza, ever the Good Samaritan, decides to help him look for it.

And they have sex a few times….

Okay, so, first of all, I don’t read a lot of erotica, but I’ve read some erotica that I thought was good, and some that I definitely thought was terrible. I would put this novella in the former category. It’s actually pretty well-written….for Krampus erotica, and I would say it’s definitely more of a “plot with porn” deal. There is sex, and what’s there leaves little to the imagination, but the author didn’t feel the need to shoehorn a sex scene into every chapter.

Most importantly, there’s none of that rape “dubious consent” crap. Moritza not only consents to sex, she initiates it, and unlike other erotica I’ve seen, they don’t do the penis-in-vagina thing every time they boink. There is a moment where she’s like “WTF did I just get eaten out by a goat man with a long tongue?” but she doesn’t have that thing where her mind says “I don’t want this” but her body says “YES YOU DO!” that is just so. fucking. annoying.

And Krampus? Krampus is awesome. Not only does he have that long tongue, but he apparently has a retractable penis. One thing that I really liked about him was that he actually sounded more like an old demon-thing than, say, a modern teenager (something that always pisses me off about paranormal romance).

The story is actually pretty funny in places (yes, there is a point where people think Krampus is wearing a costume, hilarity ensues) but it does kind of drag towards the end. At one point, Moritza refers to Krampus as “a hot buttered crumpet of wrong, so wrong,” and it’s awesome.

However, I definitely think the author missed a golden opportunity here, because, dude, chains and birch switches! CHAINS AND BIRCH SWITCHES! He whacks her a grand total of three times: twice when he thinks that she’s really her grandmother, and once when she swears. He does bite her on her ass, but the one point when she actually suggests that he punish her, he says (paraphrased) “the birch switches are only for naughty children, you are not a naughty child”….

….And I was like “Oh, COME ON! She even asked for it!” (The chains, btw, are actually used as weapons.)

Okay, so maybe if you’re into furry humanoid creatures, this whole novella will feed your fetish (especially when he uses a glamour to appear human and our protagonist says that she likes him better as he is–how many times do you see THAT anywhere? I’ve never heard of that) but godsdammit such a waste!

Let’s see, other than that, it definitely felt kind of rushed towards the end, and the thing between Krampus and Santa Claus was interesting,  and I liked the gratuitous German even though I don’t generally think of German as a sexy language (I blame Hitler, his ranty speeches ruined German for me, RUINED!). The sex scenes were good, and, unusually for erotica, actually seemed somewhat realistic despite the tongue and ridged (as the book says) “built for doggy style” penis, Krampus doesn’t cum buckets and Moritza doesn’t talk about having gods-know-how-many-orgasms all the time. Then again, it’s erotica, about Krampus, but it’s still way more realistic than some of the stuff I’ve read.

So, I guess, give it a read? It’s good….for, you know, heterosexuals doing it. Seriously, if this author wrote lesbian erotica, I would be all over this. As it is, I’d be curious to see what she comes up with in the future.

Still, I am disappointed that a perfectly golden opportunity for some raunchy kinky sex was wasted. Now I have to write my own smut….

Oh, and if you want to buy it, I bought mine off of Kobo, but it’s also available on Amazon through Kindle.


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