Pagan Pet Peeves

A list of Pagan-y things that have been pissing me off recently:

1. Altar (n) = a place where many Pagans do rituals, sometimes swapped with “shrine”. Alter (v) = to change. WORDS! THEY MATTER!

2. “Matron” goddesses. The word you are looking for is “patroness”. “Matron” means “old motherly woman” so unless your deity is a middle-aged, motherly type, patroness is a perfectly legit term.

3. Oracle cards are very useful, but for fuck’s sake, they aren’t the best tools for discovering either your patron/ess or your primary totem animal for the simple reason that there’s no possible way one card deck could ever have that many goddesses or animals, and what if your animal is an axolotl or any of these extinct bird species? The deck with the most cards that I have, the Goddess Inspiration Oracle, has about eighty cards, do you know how many more goddesses there are than that? And that oracle actually has some lesser-known deities (which means some of the more important ones were cut).

4. ….Especially if you believe that your matron patroness is Freyja, a goddess that you have constantly insulted in the presence of people who honor her.

5: Dear anti-Loki people, last I checked, followers of Zeus don’t cheat on their spouses, nor do followers of Freyr (or, for that matter, Priapus) all have a serious case of priapism, so why the Hel would you automatically assume that Lokeans must lie, cheat, and steal? Oh wait, because Loki is the Norse Satan. What’s that? Loki isn’t the N0rse Satan? Well then, why, why WHY are you treating him like he is?

6. Why is it those same folks complain about treating teh Lore like a Bible when their justification for why Loki is bad is OMFGS LOKASENNA BALDUR’S DEATH RAGNAROK! …Now who’s treating teh Lore like a Bible?

7. The haters at the ASF seem to think that I am a fake Pagan, apparently because I am a lesbian, and homosexuality is unnatural, and Pagans are all about teh nature. I suppose that means all the gay/bi deities are fake now? Sorry, Antinous, Apollo, but you’re obviously not genuine deities, because nature.  It’s kind of cute, really, all that insecurity in one place. It’s also kind of cute that they think their opinion of me actually matters, or has ever mattered.

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