Okay, you know what? I wasn’t going to respond to your latest OMFGs LOKI HAS ABANDONED ME! thing, because it’s just giving you the attention you so desperately crave from others. Maybe you’re reading this right now, secretly soaking up the attention like a particularly obnoxious sponge.
Maybe it’s harsh of me to say this, but at this point, I don’t care anymore. The gloves are fucking coming off, right now.
You know what? If there’s any justice in the world, I wish you could experience what I do, every day, for a month. No godphone, no awareness of anything aside from the world you can experience with your five senses. When you pray, it feels like you’re talking to yourself, and half the time you wonder “What’s the point of doing a ritual if I feel like no one’s listening?”
Oh, how I wish you could feel as I do, always one step away from declaring yourself an atheist, from thinking that you’re the only sane person in the world and everyone else around you is some flavour of crazy. You might hear some Pagans talk about things, and you just think “You know, there’s a perfectly rational explanation for that,” but you don’t say anything, because you trust they know their experiences better than you do. Do you ever look at your bookshelves and think “Man, what if all this Pagan stuff is really fake. Look at all the money I wasted!”
Oh, and if you have really nice friends, maybe they’ll do a little divination for you, give a bit of reassurance to your godphoneless self, but good luck paying for it. (If you ask really nicely, some of them will give you a freebie, but everyone has to eat sometime.)
On top of that, you’ll have to deal with whiny entitled dipshits who cry because their deity turned their back to look after someone else for ONE SECOND.
You know what? You kind of remind me of the dialogue between Master and slave joke (NSFW) where the deity is the Master in this case. Even if it’s not the best analogy, it’s funny. I also like the BDSM lies one, which….has a bit of truth to it…sadly….
Anyways, I digress….
And then there’s that small, annoying voice that says: “You could just walk away. Leave your groups and fora, let the blog fade away. I mean, you have no proof, why waste time talking to yourself when you could be doing something more productive?”
Assuming that the “deities” you talk to aren’t just your own mental sockpuppets, if there’s any justice in the world, I wish you could experience the sort of thing I do, every day. I’m being nice here by only suggesting a month, but you know, I’ve been doing this for years, surely there are many others who have been doing it for a lot longer.
Just once, I wish I could say to you: How does it feel to know how I feel every day? HOW DOES IT FEEL, BITCH? HOW. DOES. IT. FEEL? You have no idea how much I want to say it, but some part of me–the part that’s still capable of rational thought–knows that it probably wouldn’t help, and I’d probably get in trouble.
I hope now you’ll understand why your whining, your pantheon-switching, your complete and utter disloyalty to any of your deities SERIOUSLY pisses me off, but you know what? I’m not holding my breath that you’ll ever change, because even though many of us have given you great advice (and thank you to the person who suggested therapy–you know who you are–but I don’t think it’ll do any good) there’s just no admitting that you *might* have some issues.
Of course, I could just block you, but I have this other little voice in my head, the one that whispers about how fun it is to watch a train wreck.
Walk a mile in my shoes, you probably won’t like it, but it’ll be good for you. (Oh, and my feet are small, good luck fitting into my shoes.)