Fun With Search Engines!

So, to offset all the serious posts and butthurt, here are some selections from the “Search Engine Terms” box in the “Site Stats” section on my dashboard, which tells me what terms people have searched that have eventually led them to this blog, now with my snarky commentary.

From yesterday, we have:

“in what book does dante have sex with the demon in working for the devil”

Post they most likely found: Badass Decay in the Dante Valentine Series

My answer: Dante has sex with Japhrimel in the first book (Working for the Devil), which is how she becomes a hedaira in the first place, and then they have sex a bunch of other times, and then somehow Dante turns into the weepiest weepy protagonist ever, and then a crap ending happens.

From an unspecified time, we have:

“incest kinki stuff”

Post they most likely found: One of the early ones I did on “divine incest” my review of Fifty Shades, or any time I reference either teh kink or incest in one of my posts

Er….no comment….

“controlling a spirit animal”

Post they most likely found: Likely one of the times I’ve discussed animal totems/power animals, etc. etc.

I definitely would not recommend trying to control a spirit animal. They are generally friendly and willing to help you if you ask politely, and that’s just asking for trouble, IMHO.

“norse pagans aren’t warm and friendly”

Post they most likely found: I have no idea.

I hope this blog has changed your mind. 🙂

“would you try anything mentioned in fifty shades of grey”

Post they most likely found: My review of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Unlikely, because Christian Grey is an abusive fuckwit and a horrible excuse for a Dom, as for kinky things in general, there are some things I would like to try, but I’m not in a hurry to try them.

“cloves in with your tarot deck”

Post they most likely found: One of the posts where I reference my Mythical Goddess Tarot deck.

You see, my Mythical Goddess had a very strong “industrial” smell when I bought it, so I stuck some cloves in the box with the cards, now it smells very nice. It’s a good trick to use if you buy a deck that reeks (just make sure you like the smell of cloves first).

“christian grey doesn’t give aftercare”

Post they most likely found: My review of Fifty Shades of Grey.

He doesn’t.

If I see any others, I’ll let you know.


7 thoughts on “Fun With Search Engines!

  1. Lol. The favorite (NSFW) one (that I censored) of mine is: So many levels of NOPE right there. Wow. . .just. . . WOW. Don’t know where that one came from.

    I WIN.

    Or there’s this one: suck me into a vortex ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! ]. Don’t know where this came from, either, but it’s kind of funny.

    And a super-duper-friendly one: asatru are idiots. 😀 That probably came from my “Why I’m not an Asatruar” post.

    What’s heartening is there are also plenty of searches for Bast, lions in Kemeticism, and spirit animals (sabretooths, mostly).

    1. My guess is that anything involving incest brings up pages on pantheons where incest is a feature?

      And, to be fair, I’ve typed in some odd phrases into search engines (particularly regarding song lyrics or part of a poem I heard or something about a particular deity) and it might be completely innocuous and I type it out and I’m like “If my mom sees this she will wonder what I’m on.”

      I’m getting lots of hits for Vanatru though, so that is good.

      1. I guess so. 0.o It’s still weird to see a pr0nz search in my stats. I copy-pasted the search string into Google and got lots of hits for YouPorn. Can’t tell how they made it to my blog.

        Well, as long as there are plenty of legit searches. . .

        1. Don’t lie Shine, you were typing that in so you could do a bit of “research” on the side, eh? *pokepoke* 😛

          I expect if you talk about “adult situations” even in passing, someone will find your blog with a dirty search string. Apparently my review of “The Royal Trap” has brought people here who were looking for a hack or a ROM of it.

          Seriously, if any would-be pirates see this, buy the game if you can! Hanako deserves your money, trust me on this! (Not that you’ll listen to me anyways, but at least I can say I tried!)

          1. Shhh, don’t let the secret out. XD

            I can’t remember a time I’ve talked about adult situations on my blog, but I do love to drop f-bombs.

            Blegh, I hate it when people try to rip games. It makes them more expensive! Stop it, people.

            1. My opinion on piracy in general is basically the attitude summed up by Extra Credits, that if you live in a country where it’s impossible to get games or the game you want has been OOP for a few decades, go nuts, otherwise don’t complain that you’re “too poor” to get games when you can afford a PS3–a luxury item, btw, especially when it’s a small company like Hanako. $20 for a game is pretty much one step above “bargain” level.

              I just wait for Steam to put games on sale nowadays though, few games are worth the $50 at launch price tag, but I’m patient like that.

  2. I get a lot of people searching “Dionysus” or “maenads” but mostly what I get are people looking for Xena porn. I think my favorite though “is angry raccoon in middle of night?”

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