On the heels of my last post, (I was originally going to add this to the end, and then I thought, nope, needs its own post) I thought I’d drop a note about where I’ve been heading with my thoughts re: my path and where I’m going lately.
No, no, calm down, I’m not abandoning Vanatru and all the work I’ve put into this blog, and my tumblr, and, well, I don’t think I’ve done much more than that.
I have said before that I go my own way, and I think what I have finally realized is that I can’t depend on others for guidance over the guidance my own gut is giving me, because, as the last month has taught me, even the BNPs, even the sort of people we are taught that we can trust with our spiritual well-being, these people are fallible human beings like everyone else, and sometimes they fuck up.
And, to tell you the truth, I feel….I think betrayed might be too strong a word…I feel as if my trust in people I am supposed to look up to as “elders” has been shaken. My copy of Neolithic Shamanism, a book I would normally be very excited to read, lies unread in my dwindling pile o’ books because of this.
And it is a sad, sad day when I don’t want to read a book on things related to my religion.
Lately it seems like my own personal pendulum has been swinging more towards the UPG side of the UPG/lore continuum (not that I haven’t always been more of a UPG person). It’s not that lore isn’t useful, in many ways, it seems like it’s simply become less useful, like it has become, for me, less of a tool and more like a crutch, and this might sound crazy, but I don’t very much care for doing things exactly the way my ancestors did things or romanticizing the past. I care about the present, the things I am doing right now.
Lastly, I find myself mildly intrigued by the Otherfaith, because I see much in Aine Llewellyn’s writings that mesh with my own understanding of the Vanir. I don’t know if it will amount to anything, but I left a request for an offering to be made on my behalf at the virtual shrine he made for the Four Gods.
I feel like such a heretic, dipping my fingers in all these newfangled pies.
Anyways, once again, not sure where all this is going, this is just where my thoughts have been straying lately.
P.S. My eyes are feeling a bit better, I even managed to write a tiny bit of story. Still waiting on that specialist.